When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have aggressive nipples.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
