You can't special order awesome
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
