I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
