i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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