I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
