upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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