he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
