then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
