im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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