just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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