just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
