I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
