...so i touched it.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
