oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
