Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
