Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
