Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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