physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
