I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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