Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
