Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize