saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
