I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
