Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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