my mouth tastes like poor choices
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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