the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
