PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
