Operation Purity has been aborted
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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