if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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