Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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