Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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