Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
