If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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