it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
