we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
