I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
