If i could tip my vagina, i would.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
