New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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