Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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