dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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