I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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