I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
