i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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