I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
