Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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