Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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