Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
