The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
