I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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