Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
