We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
