I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
