Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
