omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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