hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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