I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
