whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
