woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
