Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
