After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
