just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
