My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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