I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
