i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
