this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Randomize
