then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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